WTF?

Love this...  from cafe press

Dilation Procedure

Anxious and excited to have "Cathy" removed and try to pee on my own.  A little scared about the dilation procedure, but it took a few minutes and it was over.  No pain.  No pain meds.  It was fast and easy.  Immediately after the procedure, I went into the bathroom and had a few tiny drops of urine come out.  I celebrated that victory.  I walked out of the urologist bathroom with my hands up over my head as if I had won.  Well, although it was my biggest victory since my surgery, I had certainly not won.  I left without "Cathy" and went back to work positive that the dilation procedure worked and I would be able to pee normally.  After a few hours at work I was back in my car in a panic rushing back to the urologist office.  I had not peed.  Nothing.  Back in the office, I, once again, begged for "Cathy"!  This time much to my relief and at the same time horror, 2 weeks.  I was given a prescription for Cipro (anti-biotic) and Urecholine to take 4 days prior to taking "Cathy" out again.  I was relieved and scared.  Would I have to live with a catheter forever?

Living with "Cathy"

So, living with my BFF "Cathy" the foley catheter has been going well.  The urologist encouraged me to plug the end of the foley during the day until I felt my bladder full enough to go and then unplug and empty my bladder by unplugging.  I have gotten into a good routine at home and work.  I have the end of the foley taped to my inner thigh and joke with friends that I now have a "penis" taped to my leg.  I stand up to empty my bladder and I have feel totally shamed by all of this.  At night I wear a 2000ml night bag.  But, as my dad (who died of cancer a few years ago) would say, "you've got to have a sense of humor about things"... so I do.  I make jokes and try to just get on with life.  Most people don't know that I am walking around with a catheter in.  My friends and close co-workers know and everyone has been so supportive and lovely.  I keep praying that there is a bigger picture and plan that I am just not privy to at this point.  I have doubts, but I know that God has a plan.  Hoping next week the dilation procedure helps and I can say goodbye to "Cathy" forever.

24 hours from HELL!!

So, I spend most of that night in the bathroom with rubber gloves on, half asleep, trying to find the right hole to relieve myself and feel normal.  Self intermittent catheterization just down right didn't work for me.  I ended up catheterizing myself about 8 times over the 24 hour period and really struggled every time.  It was not only uncomfortable and somewhat painful, but my quality of life was really compromised as a result.  I stopped drinking and eating because I didn't want to have to catheterize myself.  I couldn't sleep comfortably, my mind racing about the next time I would have to get up and start the self catheterization procedure.  The flimsy catheter tubes would bend with all the lube I had put on it and I struggled each time finding the evasive urine hole.  Also, self cathing at work was just so uncomfortable.  No privacy, germs, etc...  So, within 24 hours of leaving the urologist office I found myself back in there begging for my BFF "Cathy"... the FOLEY!  I went back literally begged for the foley to be put back in.  I needed the knowledge that I could get the urine out of my bladder without having to spend 30 minutes trying to find the hole to relieve myself.  Reluctantly, the urologist put the foley back in for a week.  In a week I would return to have the foley taken out and have a dilation procedure done to see if I could urinate on my own.  I was exhausted but happy that I could rely on my BFF "Cathy" for the next week.

Self Cath, what??

Urologist appointment this morning to take the foley out and try to pee on my own.  I was so excited and really positive.  They took the foley out and I went to work.  They said if I couldn't pee then just come back to the office.  They acted like it would be no big deal at all... so I followed along.  I went to work, drank my normal (large) amount of water and by lunch time was more than ready to go.  So, with all of my nerve I went into the bathroom and tried.  Nothing.  Not a trickle.  Turned the faucet on to hear the trickle from the tap.  Nothing.  I did deep breathing exercises.  Nothing.  Even visualization techniques.  Nothing.  I started to panic.  I decided to head straight back to the urologist office since I was literally stuck without being able to pee.  It took me 30 minutes to get there by car and by the time I got there I really had to go.  They ushered me straight back to a room... got the catheter in and I had about 2 liters of urine that came out.  I was so relieved.  So, the female PA came in to "teach" me how to catheterize myself.  And, by that I mean she did it once and handed me a few 14in Fr intermittent catheters and said just use lube and be sure to clean before with iodine solution.  WHAT!?!?!?!  I left there crying, feeling completely unprepared.  I went home and took a nap for an hour and woke up and felt like I had to urinate.  Oh crap.  I started to panic.  It was almost 4pm and I knew I needed to do this or get myself straight to back to the urologist office.  So, for almost an hour I "tried" to self cath.  OMG, where is that pee hole?  I laughed when the PA at the urologist office started teaching me that women have 3 holes... DUH lady.  Everybody knows that... but little did I know how close the urethra is to the vagina... but boy I tried.  Never finding it... never able to master the self cath.  I drove as fast as I could back to the urologist.  Crying to the receptionist of the phone, praying they would still be open to relieve my bladder!  So, made it back and just in time.  I thought my bladder might burst.  Does that even happen by the way?  Anyway, I got another self cath lesson and was able to do it in the office myself which really helped.  I learned how far back the urethra is and what angle to hold the cath.  I was scared, but somewhat empowered by learning this.  I left with a prescription for more self cath supplies and high hopes for progress...

Man, this diagram would have really come in handy...

Back to work...

Today was my first day back to work since my surgery.  It was a long day.  Besides having the catheter in and feeling a little uncomfortable about that, I do feel some discomfort and feel fatigued from a long day.  I am thankful to have wonderful co-workers and boss who are supportive.  I have my urologist appointment tomorrow to take the catheter out to try and pee again.  Saying prayers for pee!  I am hopeful.

Foley Catheter "Cathy"

Day 3 Post-Op

It's been 3 days since my A&P Repair Surgery and I have been resting at home while being spoiled rotten by my mom, hubby, kids and my friends.  Dinners brought over, calls, texts.  Everyone checking up on me.  Feeling OK.  Haven't been taking my pain meds since the pain hasn't been too bad.  Just some cramps and general discomfort.  Feeling positive about my surgery and recovery.

Went to the urologist to take the foley catheter out and pee on my own.  Hoping that 4 days would be enough time to rest bladder and for things to go back to normal... well, I was wrong.  Took the catheter out today and I couldn't expel any urine at all.  Pretty disappointing... really, I feel like a failure not being able to pee.  I get the sense that I "should" be urinating, so what was my problem?  They put the foley catheter back in and sent me home for the weekend.  I would return next Tuesday to "try again".  Meanwhile, I needed to rest and get ready for next week.  I return to work on Monday, October 13.